How to play
- Type
!Playin the channel to start a round. - The bot posts a playful start message and a prompt.
- DM the bot your answer within
60seconds. Answers are PM-only - The bot lists all answers anonymously in the channel.
- DM the bot the number you want to vote for during the
30-second voting phase. Votes are PM-only, no self-votes. - Scores appear, glory is distributed, banter ensues.
Tip: In most clients you can open a private chat by typing /msg Witts hello or /query Witts. Once the DM tab is open, just send your answer (the bot will auto-assign a number). To vote, DM the number (e.g., 3).
Where to play
Join us on IRC:
- Server: irc.newnet.net (SSL port
6697) - Channel(s): #witts
Use any IRC client, connect, and type /join #witts. If your client supports it, you can also try an ircs:// link with SSL.
#witticisms).
Top scores
October 2025 — Top 15
No scores recorded this month yet.
All-time — Top 20
No wins yet. Be the first!
Commands & usage
All commands are typed in the channel unless noted. Answers and votes are always by DM/PM.
Gameplay
| Command | Where | Usage | What it does |
|---|---|---|---|
!Play | Channel | !Play | Starts a new round with a start message and a prompt. |
DM Answer | DM only | Send your text | Submits your answer within 60s. The bot replies with your answer number. |
DM Vote | DM only | 3 (for example) | Votes for an answer number during the 30s voting phase. Self-votes are rejected. |
!Repeat | Channel | !Repeat | Reposts the current prompt (during answering phase). |
!Truth | Channel | !Truth | Makes the next prompt specifically about you. |
!TruthRandom | Channel | !TruthRandom | Makes the next prompt target a random player in the channel. |
!Withdraw | Channel | !Withdraw | Hides the next prompt (answer with chaos and cunning). |
Scores & stats
| Command | Where | Usage | What it does |
|---|---|---|---|
!Scores | Channel | !Scores | Shows recent winners tally in this channel. |
!Stats | Channel | !Stats <nick|Witts> | Stats for a player, or uptime/server info for the bot. |
!MonthTop | Channel | !MonthTop [month year] | Top scores for a month (e.g., !MonthTop May 2025 or !MonthTop 5 2025). Defaults to current month. |
!TotalTop | Channel | !TotalTop | All-time leaderboard. |
!LastWin | Channel | !LastWin <nick> | When that player last won. |
!Place | Channel | !Place [month year] | Top word counts for a month (chatty champs). |
!Rank | Channel | !Rank <n> | Who sits at rank n by word count this month. |
!Count | Channel | !Count <nick> | Word counts for a player (this month + all-time). |
!Seen | Channel | !Seen <nick> | Last seen time and channel for a player. |
Fun extras
| Command | Where | Usage | What it does |
|---|---|---|---|
!Quickie | Channel | !Quickie | Shows a random historic crowd-favorite (4+ votes) prompt + answer. |
!Factless | Channel | !Factless | Shares one random fact from the database. |
!WWW | Channel | !WWW or !WWW all | Random fun link, or list them all. |
!Ping | Channel + DM | !Ping | Latency check. The bot DM’s you timing info. |
System/admin
| Command | Where | Usage | What it does |
|---|---|---|---|
!Server | Channel | !Server | Shows the IRC host/port the bot is using. |
!Help, !Commands | Channel | !Help | Lists commands in chat. |
!Submit |
Channel | !Submit [start:|s:|phrase:|p:] <text> |
Queues a submission for admin approval same moderation queue as the website.
Defaults to phrase; use start: or s: for a start message.
Max ~400 characters.
|
!Reload | Channel | !Reload | Admins only. Reports DB content counts. |
Examples: !Submit start: So ya think ya pretty smart?... • !Submit phrase: Finish this: infomercials are... • !Submit The best punchlines are stolen from raccoons. (defaults to phrase)
Etiquette: keep it witty, not withering. Humor lands best without punching down.
Submit your brilliance
Contribute a Phrase (a base prompt) or a Start message (the pre-prompt quip). Submissions go to a queue for admin approval.
By submitting, you grant permission to include your text in the game. We may edit for clarity or safety.